Christmas Eve
Merry Christmas, everyone!
Ceci n’est pas une Magritte.
I made a Christmas gift for the kids in my class at church: a book of advice.
Hooray! It’s a getting to make pictures at work day.
A day when I get to draw at work is a good day. Brush and ink on paper, coloured on my iPhone using Brushes.
In which I make a plea for a Decent Drawing App
I have been drawing on my iPhone for three years. I am thinking of quitting. The reason is that I like to draw. Not paint. Draw. There is a plethora wonderful painting apps. There are almost two good drawing apps.
The great thing about drawing with a pencil or dip pen or brush is the ability to make interesting lines. On iDevice apps lines are about as interesting as Boring McBoring from Borington. No matter which brush you choose in any app, the line is the width you set it, not thicker, not thinner. So dull.
App designers have tried to disguise this with lots of differently shaped brushes or strokes that are slightly varied right at the beginning or the end. These are not good disguises. (In may cases they are not disguises at all; they are designed for and work very well as painting brushes.)
Procedural brushes are not the solution. They may be ‘fun’, but think about the concept in the real world. If you were trying to draw a picture on a piece of paper would you tolerate someone reaching over your shoulder scribbling junk around and across every single stroke you make? I want interesting strokes, not a screen full of ‘fun’ gunge.
Exactly what I want is a simple drawing app that makes fat lines when I draw fast and thin lines when I draw slow. That’s it.
Zen Brush does this, but uselessly backwards. And it stupidly has no zoom.
There are nearly two apps that do it right.
The first is my former favourite Vellum. Unfortunately, it was never updated for iPhone 4, it is no longer in the App Store, and it seems to work less well with every iOS update.
The second is TypeDrawing. TypeDrawing works exactly like a drawing app should. The interface is superb. You can export high resolution images. And — this is the important bit — if you- use - or | as your text
- set your font to Futura Bold
- turn on Vary size by speed
- set the tracking to -200
you can Actually Draw! When you draw fast and bold, the lines are thick. When you move slow and carefully, the lines are thin. Here are a couple examples:
It’s not perfect. But if the tracking could to go to -300ish and there way to get better shapes to draw with, it would be close enough. At the moment it is not close enough to allow me to draw happily.
Right now, I can’t find anything in the whole wide world of apps that will let me draw happily. So I am thinking of going back to paper and scanning. I am kind of sad about that. I carry around the most amazing little machine in the world and I can’t use it to Just Draw A Pretty Picture.
Will someone please tell me that I have somehow missed the perfect app?
Will some app designer PLEASE make a lovely happy drawing app?
I really hope it works out for her.
Flock Stories > 15 Meadow Bussell
The Led Zeppelin lads were right to give their warning. If there is a bussell in your hedgerow, you will, in all likelihood, be alarmed. If it chooses to step out of said hedge and cross your path as this meadow bussell did mine, your alarm may transform into outright fear.
The bussell is without question the most vile form of avian life I have had the misfortune to experience. Its naked face and legs are continually wetted with oily yellow discharge from its eyes, nostrils and anus. The creature’s bill is sharply serrated allowing it to do something no other bird can. The bussell chews its food – if that is how one chooses to describe the rotting flesh it consumes – slowly, meticulously, and, to the misfortune of any observer, with apparent relish.
The body of the beast is dark grey or perhaps brown. The bussell is so caked with the grease and juices of rotting animals that its exact colour is unknown. In addition to disguising the creature’s appearance (while heightening its odour), the offal which coats the feathers also renders it flightless.
Without the advantage of flight that allows other scavenger birds to scan vast tracts of land in search of sustenance, this lord of filth and decay has evolved a unique and horrifying method of procuring its meat. The beast combines the forces of its stench, large size, considerable wingspan, and growling cry to drive sheep and occasionally cattle or deer into the deepest marshes where the animals drown in the mud and sink under the surface undetectable by other scavengers. Although the bird gives every appearance of enjoying its role as a murderous herdsman, it is not merely an evil entertainment. Weeks later, the bussell returns to the location of the unlucky animal’s demise when drawn by the stench of the gases of decay escaping from the bog. Using a method of locomotion through mud that is as yet unknown to ornithologists, it dives to the carcass and returns to the surface with a mud-covered morsel and begins to feast.
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Dirty hipster wearing glasses.
Flock Stories > 14 Pigeon
Skye Ratt sounds off…
On his infamous beak: I can’t help it if I’m a pigeon with a great big honker. Yeah, I know the rumours. I started half of them myself. I killed and dismantled an eagle so that I could have its beak. I dip my beak in snake venom every morning. I have a harem of vampire bats that feed me the regurgitated blood of virgin pigs. I didn’t make that one up. It actually kind of freaks me out.
On his unique vocal style: I’ve got a big voice. I’m not going to apologise for that. So what if it’s raspy? So what if parents think I’m inappropriate for their children because I ‘don’t coo enough’? The world is a messed up place. The last thing it needs is another fat hypocrite cooing about ‘a loft made just for two’.
On seagulls: We nest in holes in walls. They nest on roofs. I don’t see what the problem is.
On humans: They are a bloody nuisance, but short of covering the entire ground in spikes I don’t see how we are going to get rid of them. I’ll probably get in trouble for saying this, but I think some kind of cull to keep their numbers down is a good idea.
On females: Iridescent purple on the neck. So hot.
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Firstdraftiness: sketch of an imaginary book cover
Flock Stories > 13 Cormorant Penguins, female and chick
I made a new game today well me and Lauren and Courtney did Chloe did too for a bit but then she got mad and left she always gets mad and she tells me I’m not her friend one time she said she hated me and all I did was say that I liked my hair clip better than hers and I did say I liked hers a lot because it was nice but I just liked mine better and she said she hated me remember that game we did before the one when I was in Pony- land and I was a flying pony but not a unicorn Lauren said flying ponies can’t be unicorns I was flying away from the dragon and Courtney was afraid because it was a fierce dragon so then we pretended that it was nice and we did loops in the air because I can flip over on the climbing frame now not on the highest bar but you know the medium one and we were pretending that we were looping in the air it feels like the whole world turns over when you do it does the whole world turn over Lauren says it does but only if you live in Australia where’s Australia is that in England or Spain I didn’t eat all my lunch today because at playtime we were doing loops again but it wasn’t in Ponyland any more we were all dragons that’s why Chloe got mad because she still wanted to be a pony but we all else decided we were dragons and we flew away from Ponyland so Chloe was crying and went and stood by the wall you know the wall with the painting on it and she was flicking off the paint but I don’t know if she got in trouble because we flew to Volcanoland because we like fire and we made lava lollies Lauren said that’s what dragons have for treats but I don’t think so because lava is melty rocks and I think that’s gross even if you are a dragon but it was funny too and Courtney laughed until she fell over after our treats we had the loop contest I did six and Lauren was the judge and Courtney could only do four so I was the champion dragon and we’re going to play again tomorrow but I want to do it after lunch because when you do six loops on the medium bar it makes your tummy feel bleurgh can I have a snack?
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