My actual train of thought (with slight embellishments at the end)
Literally? Has someone actually bedazzled the udder of a cow?
That would be awesome.
Why would someone — a farmer — do that?
Yes. The farmer spends a lot of hours out on the tractor. He has time to think, let his imagination run wild. His wife, not so much. She’s busy doing the accounts, running the kids to school. Making sure the B&B rooms in the converted dairy are clean…
He offhandedly mentions bedazzling one evening. She doesn’t slap him, but only because she’s too tired. It is a cold bed that night.
The next day the farmer does a lot of thinking out on the tractor. Next time he is in town he pops into the craft shop and buys 2,000 self-adhesive rhinestones.
Important Update on Peter 'The Death Eater' Popoff
Peter Popoff wrote again today. Unfortunately, he hasn’t sent the eagerly awaited ‘magnificent and anointed “point of contact” LOAVES & FISHES PIN’, but he did send an Eraser With A Widow Printed On It AND a poster with a bit missing that I have to ask him to send me. I will, of course, be writing back to Peter immediately. I can’t wait to get the missing piece of the poster!