Also some other words so that the two words make sense: Starting now, illustrations inspired by the 140 character stories of Arjun Basu are a thing. Gentlepersons of the Internet, I announce to you Doing the Twisters (until I think of a better title).
1. After no one responded to my little contest, I did a thinking time. I thought, what I kind of said in my contest proposal was, ‘Hey, everyone, let’s do a fun thing together!’ And what you possibly said was, ‘I don’t actually know you, Jeff, so A Fun Thing Together isn’t actually that appealing to me. And since when have you been interested in Fun Things anyway? You never reblogged that picture of my cute cat/chest/sculpture of Darth Vader made entirely of charred bratwurst, nor did you ever do anything to acknowledge my birthday even though the rest of the Internet gave me meaningful good wishes.’ To which I replied, ‘Fair enough.’
2. Jack Holt likes pretty much everything I post here. That makes me feel good, so I did a drawing which I shall post momentarily.
“Here is a grateful public thank you to the people who requested drawings from me and helped fund Iona’s trip to Uganda. Thank you! She’s having a great trip painting latrines, playing with kiddos, eating strange food, having her world expanded.”—
At about 03.30 BST @sista_flapjack tweeted: Can anyone call my dad & let him know I’m moving to Wales to live with a dude I met online? I might be 36, but I’m the baby of the family.
At about 07.30 BST I tweeted the following reply: @sista_flapjack Cool! But I haven’t told my wife yet, and you’ll have to sleep on the floor in the living room.
This is Completely Hilarious because my Twitter bio states that I live in Conwy, North Wales. Meanwhile, her Actual beau’s bio says that he is located in teh intertubes (sic).
Also at about 07.30 I tweeted a further reply: @sista_flapjack Are you sure your boyfriend in ‘teh intertubes’ won’t mind you moving in with us?
The Complete Hilarity of my replies was confirmed by the starring of them by @sista_flapjack.
At some point in the late morning or early afternoon I posted this photograph of my sleeping wife on this very Tumblr blog. (As an aside, this photograph’s relative popularity confirms the love that many Internet users have for either cats, my wife, or moderately clever puns.)
Not too many hours passed before @sista_flapjack contributed to the Complete Hilariousness of the exchange by adding a note to my photo: HOLD THE PHONE, BUDDY! You never told me you had cats. Wife, yes but cats no. I think this is a deal breaker for me moving to Wales for you.
This is the end of my anecdote.
On a more serious note, @sista_flapjack, and in the interest of full disclosure, we also have three children, two rats, a gerbil, and two fancy goldfish. I honestly think you may be happier moving to ‘teh intertubes’, if their foreign office will give you a visa.
You know that lame-o who is also a hopeless romantic who is also convinced he is some kind of creative genius and he thinks he’s your friend but you and the rest of your friends know he isn’t? Imagine he’s showing you a song he wrote for this girl he adores but is way out of his league. It’s terrible. It’s beyond terrible. And the only thing you can do is smile and nod and hope he doesn’t notice you are cringing so hard it’s giving you cramp.