50 years ago when Facebook was still mostly for university students, I created an account, and I was annoyed. I have continued to be annoyed at Facebook every single day that it has entered my consciousness. I have been annoyed by
- mafia farms
- cartooned photos
- the obligation to wish near strangers happy birthday
- happy workday
- happy new gadget
- happy eating your sandwich
- guilt-filled appeals to repost religious faff
- (un)inspirational fluff
- appalling videos
- causes I don’t care about
- a UI that stands unintuitive, and
- Joe Bloggs liked breathing lukewarm humid air on a Thursday in May and 956 other pages.
There are also things I hate I hate about Facebook.
I hate offending someone that I was friends with fifteen years ago in America, so I censor myself and pretend that my views on almost everything in the world haven’t changed dramatically. I hate hiding who I am.
I hate the way people that I remember as interesting and vibrant are flattened to cardboard by status updates about nothing because they don’t want to be offensive either.
I hate passive-aggressive status updates.
I hate the nasty thoughts I think about people I like in real life because they come across as boring and soulless on Facebook.
I hate the way Facebook constantly tries to convince me that it is essential to life, that I can’t just not be on Facebook. I hate lies.
To sum up: I like people. Facebook makes me like the people that I like less. It has ruined at least one friendship which didn’t need to be ruined. It has strained family relationships. It annoys me every single day. I don’t like that, so this Friday I am pressing Facebook’s Big Hidden Unlike Button.
I don’t blame Facebook for being the evil tentacled beast that it is. I do blame me for taking so long to realise that I have the wrong personality to be on Facebook. Some things are not meant to be.