September 2009
29 posts
…going to have to wait until I read him his bedtime story and edit the video.
![]()
Perhaps Jack was destined to be a dull boy, regardless of his work/play ratio. —@nonsequiturific
Last night I thought of some new rules for The Great 48 Twits Illustrated Giveaway. Here they are:
- Within twenty-four (24) hours of the prize draw, the winner must supply me with his or her email address via Direct Message on Twitter, Facebook or some other identity-verifying form of communication. If the winner does not contact me or reply to my attempts at contact within twenty-four (24) hours of the prize draw, a new winner will be drawn.
- In order to claim the prize, the winner must agree to do a short IM or email interview with me. (This rule is dripping with awesomeness.)
- The winner must commission his or her illustration by Saturday 15 November 2009.
- I make no guarantees that the winner will like their illustration. On the other hand, I am, as well as a home-schooled religious wingnut, an award-winning graphic designer, sort of, and fairly decent at taking things seriously and making clients happy.
- I get to show the illustration to the rest of the world after it is delivered to the winner.
Also,
- The winner must host a presentation by me in their home that is attended by at least five (5) of their closest friends. In this presentation I will give you, the Winner, the opportunity to join my multi-level marketing partnership distributing exciting new ‘vitamins’ that may cure cancer and dandruff. If you sign up on the evening of the presentation, you will given FREE access to £750 worth of ONLINE TOOL SOFTWARE that will enable you to take your vitamin business to the marketplace of the future: The Internet (also called the ‘web’ or ‘viral marketing’).
Here’s the list of who is entered in The Great 48 Twits Illustrated Giveaway. I will update it everyday. A bunch of you could easily treble your entries, and you really should because Jason Sweeney and baileygenine have nine (9!) entries each. Also, if you notice any mistakes, please let me know.
> Important note: If you ‘like’ this post, it only means you like lists or something. To enter the giveaway, you have to like the post titled: In which I shout: ‘ENTER NOW! WIN BIG!’ and put numbers in parentheses <
- giromide/bananacasts - 3
- CcSteph - 1
- shoesonwrong - 3
- ivegotzooms - 3
- tj - 1
- yayaa - 3
- wryredhead/hoppypoppy - 3
- arjunbasu - 3
- sween/atsween - 9
- badbanana - 2
- baileygenine - 9
- eoporto - 3
- rafitorres - 1
- qikipedia - 1
- katefeetie - 1
- zolora - 3
- luckyshirt - 1
- CranberryPerson/suburbanreport - 6
- superfantastic - 1
- secretsquirrel - 1
- emilybrianna - 1
- munki - 1
- vmarinelli - 6
- tinybuddha - 1
- smartasshat - 3
- serafinowicz - 1
- phillygirl - 1
- sniffyjenkins - 1
- HotAmishChick - 1
- emdot - 5
- IsJonas - 1
- gordonshumway/J-Money - 1
- apelad - 1
- melissapierce - 1
- aedison - 1
- riebschlager - 1
- megelizabeth - 1
- mayafish - 1
- redcloud - 1
- monkeyfrog - 1
- insooutso - 1
- donchiefnerd - 1
- leehoughton - 1
- sista_flapjack/daniellei - 1
- lorraines - 1
- inthefade/abigvictory - 1
- ckilgore - 1
- roughnightforlulu - 1
- toldorknown - 1
- nonsequiturific - 3
![]()
The time has come. The first four dozen (4 × 12) Twits Illustrateds are nearly finished. The prize draw is starting…
…now.
The prize, as you may remember, is an Original Illustration for the winner’s wall, their album artwork, their op-ed pages, their mum’s birthday, their dartboard - whatever. They get the full size digital file, and if printing is required, we’ll figure something out.
There are exactly two (2) ways to enter.
- If you are a Tumblrer, you can like this post.
- If you are not a Tumblrer, you can comment on this post. (If for some reason the comment form won’t load, email me: jqgill {at} gmail {dot} com.)
It’s that simple.
But wait, there’s more! You can have Bonus Entries. Here’s how:
- I will give one entry per Illustration to the authors of tweets I have illustrated. If said authors also choose to enter using one of the above methods, they will be given three (3!) entries per illustrated tweet.
- If you promote Twits Illustrated with linkage on Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook, your blog, etc and let me know about it, I will give you one (1) bonus entry. You may promote Twits Illustrated as many times as you like, but you can only earn one (1) bonus entry.
- If, by some amazing - i.e. fat - chance, there are forty-eight (48) or more entrants, not including persons who have had their tweets illustrated, in this illustrious prize draw, I will award a bonus entry to the forty-eighth (48th) entrant and also to the ninety-sixth (96th), one hundred forty-fourth (144th), etc. entrants.
Entries may be submitted from now until I post Twits Illustrated 48 (forty-eight), probably Sunday or Monday evening British Summer Time.
Sometime within twenty-four (24) hours of the close of entries I will print all names an appropriate number of times on paper, drop them into a receptacle of my choosing, and one of my family members will draw the winner’s name from the chosen receptacle. I will make a video of the draw and post it here on this Tumblog. I don’t have any UN observers handy, so you’ll just have to trust me not to cheat.
Go!
![]()
my neighbors are rockin’ out. this displeases me. they need to stop, or learn how to rock out with more talent. —@megelizabeth
![]()
Every day is a chance to change your life. Except for today. You are not doing a damn thing today. You are really disappointing. —@riebschlager
![]()
Grandma just got a new kidney. But we’re not letting her leave the hospital. Those things lose half their value once you drive off the lot. —@aedison
This morning I took this video of Mini the Cat taking a faceplant nap. Perhaps she slipped unknowingly from depression to sleep.
Then I saw this video also called Mini Sleeping:
Then I went searching and found these sleeping cats named Mini:
![]()
![]()
![]()
And finally Mini the Cat again as photoed by my lovely wife:
![]()
Though my work is not original, I do feel that I have made a moderately significant contribution to the small but growing sleeping-cat-named-Mini genre of video and photography.
- You: Hey, Jeff.
- Me: Yo!
- You: You don't say 'yo' in real life.
- Me: I'm thinking about starting.
- You: No you're not, you freak.
- Me: What can I do you for?
- You: You know that Twits Illustrated you did of my tweet?
- Me: Yeppers.
- You: Yeppers?
- Me: Uh huh.
- You: Why? Why are you talking this way?
- Me: What way?
- You: 'Yo!' 'Yeppers.' It's just -- never mind. That tweet of mine you Twillustrated™?
- Me: Did you love it?
- You: It was quite good, but...
- Me: Your mother-in-law did not approve and you'd like me to remove it from the intertubes?
- You: No, it's great. It just doesn't look like me.
- Me: It's not you.
- You: Isn't it? It's got the same colour hair as me. And the same gender.
- Me: It's not you.
- You: But what about that one of J-Money? I'm suure that was her.
- Me: Yeppers.
- You: Don't say that.
- Me: Yes.
- You: But the one of me isn't me?
- Me: No. I got lucky with J-Money. It all went right.
- You: Mine went wrong?
- Me: No, because it's not you.
- You: So if you get lucky, it is the tweeter, and if you don't, it's not?
- Me: Yeppe--er, Yes.
- You: That one of Adam Koford.
- Me: Not him. He shaves fully clothed, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't have pathetic sloping shoulders like that.
- You: The one you just did -- Melissa Pierce -- the hair?
- Me: No! She doesn't have a too-long body, and, even though I haven't seen her legs, I'd be willing to bet most things they look better than the ones I drew.
- You: You've just totally admitted you are not a good caricaturist.
- Me: Nope. I explained that I'm not drawing the people who do the tweeting.
- You: Unless you get lucky.
- Me: That. Anyway, I don't think of them as caricatures or cartoons. The Mighty Greg Williams has already conquered that niche. I like to think of what I do as bad paintings of non-specific people for the education and amusement of various persons. In fact, I think that will be my new slogan: 'Twits Illustrated: Bad Paintings of Non-Specific People for the Education and Amusement of Various Persons.' Catchy?
- You: Not catchy at all.
- Me: Hmm, maybe I could shorten it to one word: BadPaiNsPeForTEdAmuVarioPs. That totally works.
- You: Can I go away now?
- Me: Do what you want. You're the one who started this conversation.
![]()
I never get past two during the “I’m going to count to three” threat. Not one of us is sure of what is supposed to happen after three. —@melissapierce
![]()
Got rid of the beard. Pretty sure I saw a bird fly out of it as I was shaving. —@apelad
August 2009
30 posts
![]()
I hate cold, rainy days when the dog and I are stuck inside, each of us contemplating whether we’d be happier if the other ran away. —@gordonshumway