August 2009
30 posts
6 tags
Twits Illustrated 41, starring Jason Sweeney
No matter how fast you’re going, driving is more fun when you say “WHEEEE!!!” —@sween
1 tag
“I’m approaching my 48th Twits Illustrated. 48 is like 50, but flexible. It...”
– Jeff Gill
6 tags
Twits Illustrated 40, starring Victoria Marinelli
I wonder if other planets’ UFO freaks are as hilariously delusional as ours. —@vmarinelli
6 tags
Twits Illustrated 39, starring Jenny
“A long and painful saga full of tragic characters that get eaten.” 9 y.o. describing his film idea. —@IsJonas
In which I go all 'God' and 'Jesus' and 'sorry'...
Someone: So, this whole #howgoodisgod meme on Twitter yesterday...
Me: I know!
Someone: A lot of people are having a good go at God. You must be pretty cheesed off, being a Christian and all.
Me: Not really. I'm more sorry.
Someone: Ah, going the turn the other cheek, holier-than-thou route?
Me: No, I'm sorry that we Christians have created an angry, controlling, power-hungry deity in our own image and announced it to the world as truth. I'm sorry that we have presented the world a choice of a micro-controlling despot that is somehow good or nothing. I'm sorry that we have had priorities other than God's. I'm sorry that we have conflated the good news of Jesus with nationalism and created a bastard monster offspring that is worthless for patriots and Christians alike. I'm sorry that we have repeatedly been anti-Christ in our behaviour, especially towards the people who need Jesus' love the most.
Someone: Geez. You're really sorry.
Me: Yes.
Someone: That's nice and all, but what about the Old Testament and all the God-inspired war and rape and pillage and the flood and the fire and brimstone?
Me: Have you actually read the Old Testament?
Someone: Bits of it.
Me: Good. Then you'll have noticed that it's not a monocultural violence-fest all the way through. You will have noticed people's understanding of God grows in clarity throughout the Old Testament as God works with people because God is committed to this thing called free will.
Someone: But...
Me: Look. Someone cleverer than me could demolish that last sentence and reduce me to a quivering wreck in the corner in 30 seconds, even though I actually do know what I'm talking about. Let me get on to the important bit, okay?
Someone: Fine.
Me: The New Testament, the part of the bible that especially and directly applies to Christians, says that if we want to know what God is like we have to look at Jesus. Jesus, the guy who offered his life in order to give the rest of us true live (ignore whether or not you think he was nuts for a minute), the one who freely fed, healed ate with and taught anyone, including women, in a society where things like that were Not Done.
Someone: Okay...
Me: So when we look at the Old Testament we need to do it through the lens of Jesus, which means--
Someone: You are totally boring me here. I read this blog for the silly drawings, not theology lessons.
Me: You're right. Let me say this, and I'll shut up. I have this dream of a bunch of Christians who are known for their sacrificial love for the world they live in, not for their politics and their condemning skills. A community of people who, if they are hated at all, it is because they good that they do threatens the power structures of oppressors. A group that brings change, not by passing legislation, but openly, freely, generously demonstrating a different way of living.
Someone: That would be all right. But there are about a billion things you didn't cover.
Me: I know, but I said I would shut up.
6 tags
Twits Illustrated 38, starring HotAmishChick
Dear Lord,
Thank you for cheese.
Amen.
—@HotAmishChick
6 tags
Twits Illustrated 37, starring Marya
typical am conversation.
“i’m going to jump in the shower now.”
“okay. be careful.”
—@emdot
1 tag
In which I post anagrams
Mine anagram name ain’t too brilliant, but rings true: drivelled iffy Jag.
On the other hand, my lovely wife’s is awesome sauce with extra sauce: nicer hitlerism delight.
And if you take out her middle name: chilling tires.
This woman rocks!
Hooray!
“Wow! I just saw a screen shot of some Tumblarity at like seventeen hundred and...”
– Jeff Gill
WatchLove and joy to Layers for iPhone.
6 tags
Twits Illustrated 36, starring Jason
The tooth fairy doesn’t always come at night. Sometimes he wakes up in the A.M., remembers, and hauls ass to an ATM before his kid wakes up. —@CranberryPerson
Twits Illustrated 35, starring Justine Kilkerr
I’ve been playing with my food, making characters out of dough. I’m a bit freaked out now though because, well: I see bread people. —@sniffyjenkins
In which the question 'Should Jeff rap?' is...
At our church we do a lot of live comedy sketches. It’s fun. It doesn’t have to be as polished as video. And it helps people be receptive to hearing things they wouldn’t be comfortable with if they weren’t laughing at the silly people on stag
Christine and I have a couple of recurring characters. Jedediah Garcia, aka Tex Mex, is a transplanted Texas rancher with a monkey...
In which I tell you about some new photos
Hey, did you know that our family entertainment centre, aka our iMac computer/TV/DVD player/stereo died a few weeks ago? It did. The sad part about this is that Christine has had to give up her upstairs work computer to keep us all, especially the kids, from going crazy over the summer holidays. This means it is harder for her to process her lovely photos which means it is harder for her to earn...
Twits Illustrated 34, starring Theresa
“Dave will help. He’s a…car…doctor.”
“A mechanic?”
“Yes! Oh god, don’t tell anyone that.”
What? She said “anyone,” not “the internet”
—@zolora
Leaders of failed nations, take note: elections...
After multiple recounts, bedtime stories, an urgent email from my sister and a bath, the Results Are In. The winner, with a landslide majority of 100%, is zolora. In what was probably the most shocking turn of the days events, even her opponent voted for her, noting that ‘She’s waaay better looking than me.’
Dictator-in-Chief of Twits Illustrated, Jeff Gill has announced that he...
“The polls are closed. Votes are being counted. Tension is high. Dinner is being...”
– Jeff Gill, Twits Illustrated election correspondent
Oh dear. More democracy
I can’t decide, so once again I place the stylus and iPhone in your hands. Should the next Twits Illustrated be…
…or…
Up to you. Just remember, when you think I’m going to zig when the tweet sends you in the direction of zag, that means I’m probably going to zog. Voting ends at 1800 BST. So what’s it going to be?
In which my brain goes 'bing', well not 'bing'...
I finally get the Internet, the good parts, I mean, like Wikipedia and Textpattern and Tumblr and Twitter and Google but especially the fact that if you want to see or learn about or do anything, somebody has taken the time to post something about how to do it. Millions of people are giving away billions of pounds worth of time and knowledge and I used to wonder why - I used to marvel at the...
Twits Illustrated 33, starring phillygirl
Had a lovely grilled cheese sandwich for late dinner, indicative of how we fared at fishing today. —@phillygirl
listening to "Fleet Foxes - White Winter Hymnal" →
What kind of creepy guy is he following the pack like that?
WatchBecause what you were thinking is, ‘I would love to see Jeff teaching a valuable life lesson with his underpants on outside his jeans.’
listening to "William Shatner - Common People" →
This makes me happy, laugh out loud for actually happy.
