Step 15: eat health food
After I was born my mum got so ill and weak she was near death. A big part of her recovery was a total change in her diet. She embraced health food. Her children were part of that embrace. For the most part that was great. She is an excellent cook. Not having soda and candy around the house just made them more of a treat. But there was one thing: breakfast.
Four days a week we could only eat fruit before lunch. Fruit meant apples and oranges. And they were never nice, and there was nothing tropical, and it was winter, and I was cold and hungry.
Then for several months, on the other days, we had wheat. This was how it was prepared: take raw grains of wheat. Cook them for a week until they are tenderish. Add some raisins. Continue cooking until the raisins are swollen and disgusting. Serve with milk and honey while fighting your gag reflex.
Also, there was a cod liver oil phase.

Step 15: eat health food

After I was born my mum got so ill and weak she was near death. A big part of her recovery was a total change in her diet. She embraced health food. Her children were part of that embrace. For the most part that was great. She is an excellent cook. Not having soda and candy around the house just made them more of a treat. But there was one thing: breakfast.

Four days a week we could only eat fruit before lunch. Fruit meant apples and oranges. And they were never nice, and there was nothing tropical, and it was winter, and I was cold and hungry.

Then for several months, on the other days, we had wheat. This was how it was prepared: take raw grains of wheat. Cook them for a week until they are tenderish. Add some raisins. Continue cooking until the raisins are swollen and disgusting. Serve with milk and honey while fighting your gag reflex.

Also, there was a cod liver oil phase.

Step 14: protest
I participated in one anti-abortion event as a teenager. A year ago as a grownup, I wrote this: If all the money spent fighting Roe v. Wade had been spent on helping women with crisis pregnancies and working to prevent said pregnancies instead of grasping for power, we’d be in a better place today.

Step 14: protest

I participated in one anti-abortion event as a teenager. A year ago as a grownup, I wrote this: If all the money spent fighting Roe v. Wade had been spent on helping women with crisis pregnancies and working to prevent said pregnancies instead of grasping for power, we’d be in a better place today.

Step 13: love the spoken word
I was a weird kid. When I was still young enough to spend serious time with my space Legos, I used to spend hours listening to preachers on the local Christian radio station (while building spaceships). It hasn’t changed. My radio station of choice is Radio 4. If I’m listening to my iPod, it’s usually my favourite preachers.

Step 13: love the spoken word

I was a weird kid. When I was still young enough to spend serious time with my space Legos, I used to spend hours listening to preachers on the local Christian radio station (while building spaceships). It hasn’t changed. My radio station of choice is Radio 4. If I’m listening to my iPod, it’s usually my favourite preachers.

NGPOYW* - wise man / foolish man / evil man
—
*It’s not gratuitous because I did it for work.

NGPOYW* - wise man / foolish man / evil man

*It’s not gratuitous because I did it for work.

Step 12: Shake Pat Robertson’s hand
This is how it looks from my little perspective: In the 1980s evangelical Christians in America went insane and believed that getting political power was the way to save the world. Maybe we thought following the example and instructions of Jesus wasn’t good enough now that we had technology and gay people. Maybe loving our enemies wasn’t as fun as being nasty to them. Maybe doing it the Jesus way was too hard and slow and messy for us. Whatever it was, we ended up helping to give the world President George W Bush. I’m really sorry about that.
12 years before GWB, Pat Robertson, televangelist and prophet of doom, ran for the presidency. Someone gave my parents tickets to a $100/plate Robertson fundraising barbecue. My 14 year-old self, full of evangelical-political fervour was thrilled. And he Shook My Hand. Ladies and gentlemen, I have touched Pat Robertson.
On the other hand, my dad who was a grown-up and knew things about nuance and balance and not getting completely swept away by politicians’ bluster and rhetoric, made sure to watch Jesse Jackson’s speech during the Democrat convention. Back then I could not understand why he would do that.

Step 12: Shake Pat Robertson’s hand

This is how it looks from my little perspective: In the 1980s evangelical Christians in America went insane and believed that getting political power was the way to save the world. Maybe we thought following the example and instructions of Jesus wasn’t good enough now that we had technology and gay people. Maybe loving our enemies wasn’t as fun as being nasty to them. Maybe doing it the Jesus way was too hard and slow and messy for us. Whatever it was, we ended up helping to give the world President George W Bush. I’m really sorry about that.

12 years before GWB, Pat Robertson, televangelist and prophet of doom, ran for the presidency. Someone gave my parents tickets to a $100/plate Robertson fundraising barbecue. My 14 year-old self, full of evangelical-political fervour was thrilled. And he Shook My Hand. Ladies and gentlemen, I have touched Pat Robertson.

On the other hand, my dad who was a grown-up and knew things about nuance and balance and not getting completely swept away by politicians’ bluster and rhetoric, made sure to watch Jesse Jackson’s speech during the Democrat convention. Back then I could not understand why he would do that.

In which I decide a thing

Okay, now that I’ve had a few minutes to be angry and sad, it’s time for this: I got £50 for my birthday. Judging by the fact that the biggest problem I had today was a blown speaker in my iPhone headphones, I think the money could be better used somewhere that isn’t buying stuff for me.

The question is: where?

I could send it to that hospital in Afghanistan. I could send it to my cousins who have children’s homes in the Philippines and are heavily involved in helping with the typhoon recovery. I could give it to the foodbank that my friends started this autumn. Or I could give it to a thousand other very worthy projects.

Instead — and this might be pure selfishness — I would rather invest it in something local, something that can grow from £50 into something that lasts, something that I can do with my family so my kids see a different way of living, something that leads to a genuine lifestyle of connecting meaningfully with and serving the people around me, especially people that society says I shouldn’t be connecting with.

I guess what I’m saying is that I want to spend £50 on becoming a better person by creating something useful and rule-breaking and full of life.

Geez, that looks like it’s been written by a big faffy prat, but I am writing it down because tomorrow I will most likely be trying to think of funny tweets, and I will need a reminder.

I don’t know what that is yet. Do any of you have ideas?

It's a weird world

I took a few minutes to catch up on my RSS feeds. The first one was was about a guy’s visit to help out in a hospital in Afghanistan that gives free medical care to helpless women and children. That meant that I had to read the second one about the branding of a Tiffany & Co. sponsored outdoor ice rink through eyes full of tears.

It’s a weird world. It’s a really f***ed up world.

Step 11: speak in tongues
When the day of Pentecost came, they were all together in one place. Suddenly a sound like the blowing of a violent wind came from heaven and filled the whole house where they were sitting. They saw what seemed to be tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each of them. All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues as the Spirit enabled them. Now there were staying in Jerusalem God-fearing Jews from every nation under heaven. When they heard this sound, a crowd came together in bewilderment, because each one heard their own language being spoken. (The Bible,specifically The Acts of the Apostles ch2vv1-6)I come from a Christian tradition which believes this really happened and that it still happens today, usually without the wind and fire. My parents prayed with me to be filled with the Holy Spirit when I was 13-ish. What happened that evening was — imagine that happiness was liquid and that a spring of it was bubbling inside of you and when it came out, it came out of your mouth in the form of a language you never spoke before. It was like that. Strange but very enjoyable.Here’s a short thing I wrote last year on my Serious Blog about me speaking in tongues.

Step 11: speak in tongues

When the day of Pentecost came, they were all together in one place. Suddenly a sound like the blowing of a violent wind came from heaven and filled the whole house where they were sitting. They saw what seemed to be tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each of them. All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues as the Spirit enabled them. Now there were staying in Jerusalem God-fearing Jews from every nation under heaven. When they heard this sound, a crowd came together in bewilderment, because each one heard their own language being spoken. (The Bible,specifically The Acts of the Apostles ch2vv1-6)

I come from a Christian tradition which believes this really happened and that it still happens today, usually without the wind and fire. My parents prayed with me to be filled with the Holy Spirit when I was 13-ish. What happened that evening was — imagine that happiness was liquid and that a spring of it was bubbling inside of you and when it came out, it came out of your mouth in the form of a language you never spoke before. It was like that. Strange but very enjoyable.

Here’s a short thing I wrote last year on my Serious Blog about me speaking in tongues.

Step 10: stay out of the military
At some point during my childhood, I announced in an offhand kind of way that I would probably join the army. My mother replied in a non-offhand kind of way that I certainly would not, that she had seen what the military does to people, that no son of hers would ever join the army.
She was influenced I’m sure by the action my uncle saw in Korea. And my dad was drafted during Vietnam. Fortunately, he was only sent to Germany.
That conversation was the beginning of my becoming the pacifist* I am today.
*More like kingdom-of-God-ist, but that takes too much explaining and ‘pacifist’ is plenty annoying anyway.

Step 10: stay out of the military

At some point during my childhood, I announced in an offhand kind of way that I would probably join the army. My mother replied in a non-offhand kind of way that I certainly would not, that she had seen what the military does to people, that no son of hers would ever join the army.

She was influenced I’m sure by the action my uncle saw in Korea. And my dad was drafted during Vietnam. Fortunately, he was only sent to Germany.

That conversation was the beginning of my becoming the pacifist* I am today.

*More like kingdom-of-God-ist, but that takes too much explaining and ‘pacifist’ is plenty annoying anyway.

In which I gracefully welcome tomorrow's beginning of a new year of my life

  1. barf
  2. blow chunks
  3. call O’Rourke
  4. chuck up
  5. chunder
  6. disgorge
  7. emesis
  8. heave
  9. honk up
  10. hurl
  11. lose your lunch
  12. make gut soup
  13. make pavement pizza
  14. pray to the poreclain god
  15. puke
  16. purge
  17. ralph
  18. regurgitate
  19. retch
  20. spew
  21. spit up
  22. talk to Ralph on the big white phone
  23. technicolour yawn
  24. throw up
  25. toss your cookies
  26. upchuck
  27. vomit
  28. Wallace and Gromit
  29. worship at the porcelain altar
  30. yack

Thirty sicks.

Crikey! I’m going to be old tomorrow.

Crikey! I’m going to be old tomorrow.

Crikey, that’s old! 36 tomorrow, and I’m still trying to figure out what I want to do when I grow up.

Crikey, that’s old! 36 tomorrow, and I’m still trying to figure out what I want to do when I grow up.

Step 9: Question Stuff
I was in very early double digits when I asked my dad: what if we’re wrong about all this stuff we believe? What if there isn’t actually a God? I don’t remember what his answer was, but he didn’t jump down my throat for asking. Thinking and questioning were definitely allowed. So was having the space to get the answer for yourself. I’m still questioning. I think the last time I asked: what if we’re wrong about all this stuff we believe? was about three weeks ago.

Step 9: Question Stuff

I was in very early double digits when I asked my dad: what if we’re wrong about all this stuff we believe? What if there isn’t actually a God? I don’t remember what his answer was, but he didn’t jump down my throat for asking. Thinking and questioning were definitely allowed. So was having the space to get the answer for yourself. I’m still questioning. I think the last time I asked: what if we’re wrong about all this stuff we believe? was about three weeks ago.

Step 8: disappear from school
Just before I finished fourth grade my parents told me next school year I would be going to school at home. That was weird. My friends who were just finishing fifth grade had spent the year telling me how fifth grade was the pinnacle of awesomeness. But it was not to be for me.
Somehow my parents made me feel that I was the pinnacle of awesomeness; that’s why they were going to teach me at home. That was nice of them. Turns out, the big reason was they didn’t like the snotty attitude I was picking up from my classmates.
Never mind. I loved being home-schooled.

Step 8: disappear from school

Just before I finished fourth grade my parents told me next school year I would be going to school at home. That was weird. My friends who were just finishing fifth grade had spent the year telling me how fifth grade was the pinnacle of awesomeness. But it was not to be for me.

Somehow my parents made me feel that I was the pinnacle of awesomeness; that’s why they were going to teach me at home. That was nice of them. Turns out, the big reason was they didn’t like the snotty attitude I was picking up from my classmates.

Never mind. I loved being home-schooled.

Step 7: pray the prayer
First of all, I’m pretty sure I could slap a bible verse across this illustration and sell prints by the millions at Christian book shops across the world. That embarrasses me — a lot. Normally, if I did anything this twee, I would junk it and start again, but NaNoDrawMo is about quantity, not quality. Meh.
When I was six or seven, I was struck forcefully and independently of any person that if I died I would be separated from God forever. I went to a corner of our living room, knelt down — I don’t know why I knelt because I had never knelt to pray before — and I asked Jesus to come into my life.
There were no rays of light from heaven, nor angels choirs singing. I did feel happy about what I had done, and I told my parents. They were happy too.

Step 7: pray the prayer

First of all, I’m pretty sure I could slap a bible verse across this illustration and sell prints by the millions at Christian book shops across the world. That embarrasses me — a lot. Normally, if I did anything this twee, I would junk it and start again, but NaNoDrawMo is about quantity, not quality. Meh.

When I was six or seven, I was struck forcefully and independently of any person that if I died I would be separated from God forever. I went to a corner of our living room, knelt down — I don’t know why I knelt because I had never knelt to pray before — and I asked Jesus to come into my life.

There were no rays of light from heaven, nor angels choirs singing. I did feel happy about what I had done, and I told my parents. They were happy too.