Step 1: get a couple radical Jesus People for parents
In 1970 my future, pre-married parents and a bunch of other people in their late teens and early twenties piled into a clapped out school bus with no seats — they had cushions and rugs and love — and set off to change the world — sort of a magical mystery tour for God. They started a bunch of churches across the Southwestern United States. I grew up hearing stories about their trip, how one time when they ran out of money they washed the peanut butter off the paper plates and hung them up to dry for the next meal, how my dad dropped a tiny and essential carburettor screw in gravel then prayed then looked down and saw the screw through a hole in the bumper.
My parents never taught me much about how to live safely.
Step 0: the title page
So here I go, joining in with NaNoDrawMo. I’m going to try to do this as it happened. You are very welcome to chime in any time you want. Enjoy!
In which I pause Twits Illustrated
In between saving the world and hoping half my family doesn’t die of swine flu I’ve been squeezing in lots of jealousy towards the people doing NaNoWriMo. I’ve got no story, not a 50,000 word one. The best I do is make up a new Muriel the Cow story for my six year-old daughter once or twice a month.
But today — joy of all joys, singing angel choirs, etc. — I stumbled across NaNoDrawMo. Hooray! I’m so in. I even have a theme. My theme is:
How To Become A Home-Schooled Religious Wingnut In Fifty (50) Easy Steps
It’s going to be kind of autobiographical — Wait! Don’t unfollow yet — I hope to make up for it by doing interesting drawings. Here are a few other things you can expect, probably.
- I will be honest
- It could get awkward (see theme above)
- I won’t be proselytising, so if you are hoping for a chance to pray The Prayer at drawing 49, you will be disappointed
- I will actually finish in December (of some year)
- My pictures are not worth anywhere near a thousand words, so I will throw in some words to top up
- I will avoid jargon. Unfortunately, this is not your big chance to see me getting Sanctified or Washed In The Blood
-
Maira Kalman inspires me like crazy
- I will try harder to be mildly entertaining than someone who totally doesn’t try at all to be mildly entertaining
Don’t expect to see anything for a few days. I have to plan.
Twits Illustrated 54b, starring Jerilyn Pool
The baby is old enough to earn her keep by dressing up to get us candy. If she knows what’s good for her, she won’t come home with raisins. —@AuntMarvel
Twits Illustrated 54a, starring Jerilyn Pool
The baby is old enough to earn her keep by dressing up to get us candy. If she knows what’s good for her, she won’t come home with raisins. —@AuntMarvel
GUCAYM*
A few months ago I did a Twillustration℠ of a tweet by @luckyshirt. I thought it was pretty funny. Unfortunately, the subject matter meant that it was unsuitable for this here family-friendly blog. I harassed @luckyshirt until he gave me his email address. I never heard from him after I emailed the Twillustration℠. Even though it probably it went in his spam folder and he never saw it, I can’t help but believe he thinks I made a completely inappropriate advance towards him and now he regards me as a dangerous carnal predator.
*Gratuitous Unimportant Confession About Yourself Monday. Obvs.
In which I have an emo poetry moment and disguise it as a grown-up rant.
‘You’ve got way too much time on your hands.’
This is a special comment that I get from people when I make strange drawings and videos. Those people with their special comment have given me a fun idea. Let’s apply that statement to everything people do in their free time.
—OMG, guys! Did you see X Factor this weekend?!
—You’ve got way too much time on your hands.
—I spent my weekend watching spoiled grown-ups play with a ball. It rocked!
—You’ve got way too much time on your hands.
—I hit a little ball with expensive sticks fewer times this afternoon than I ever have before!
—You’ve got way too much time on your hands.
—I drank lots of beer!
—You’ve got way too much time on your hands.
—My tomato plants are coming along nicely.
—You’ve got way too much time on your hands.
—I put some grout between my tiles. It’s coloured grout!
—You’ve got way too much time on your hands.
—I baked cookies!
—You’ve got way too much time on your hands.
—I played a gig with my band.
—You’ve got way too much time on your hands.
—I took beautiful photos of nature
—You’ve got way too much time on your hands.
—I volunteered at a homeless shelter.
—You’ve got way too much time on your hands.
Nobody says that. All that stuff is fine. And making silly pictures is fine too, if you’re eight. But if a guy in his mid 30s with maturity issues draws a silly picture, he’s got way too much time on his hands.
Well, so do the rest of you. You just don’t have the guts to spend it doing silly stuff (unless you do, which is probably most of the people reading this rant, thereby rendering it pointless). We live in the western world. We don’t have to spend 18 hours every day trying to survive. We’ve all got way too much time on our hands. I know already. So stop telling me.
Also, it’s about bleeding time that entire universe shifts and becomes more affirming of my peculiar and superior genius, because one day, I’ll show all of you.
Especially you people watching X Factor.
